You’re Not Too Emotional, You’re Listening to a Messenger

You’re so emotional. Stop overreacting. You’re so sensitive. I bet you’ve heard some version of these comments more times than you can count. I know I have, and so have most of the women I’ve ever worked with. I want to offer you a different perspective today. Your emotions are not a malady. They are messengers, and when you dial in and listen to them you can unlock one of your greatest strengths.

Most of us learned to repress instead of feel

Most of us learn to suppress or repress our emotions as we move through life, because we receive critical feedback for expressing them. That’s not a personal failing. It’s just a learned habit, which means it can be unlearned. I like to teach the women I work with a fun little game to practice feeling their emotions. You can try it too. I call it Emotional Surfing, and it’s exactly like it sounds.

Imagine you’re on a board, and the emotion you’re feeling is a wave.

How Emotional Surfing actually works

Picture yourself in an ocean sitting on a surfboard. As you start to feel a feeling, rather than tapping out, tap in. Imagine the emotion is just a wave rolling under your board. Take a breath, and allow it to roll to shore. As it does, name it. Oh hi, that’s fear. Oh hi, that’s guilt. Oh hi, that’s uncertainty. The naming is the goal, and you’ll notice that the act of putting a label on it makes you more curious than uncomfortable.

The question that turns a feeling into information

As the wave ends on the shore, there’s one more step. Ask the feeling directly: what do you have to tell me? Then listen, because whatever it has to say is information you can use to make choices in your life. All emotions have a corresponding message.

Fear means something unfamiliar is ahead, and you may need to slow down or stop moving in a specific direction. Anger means a boundary has been violated, and you need to speak up for yourself. Frustration means something is blocking you, and you might need to pause and find your way around the obstacle. You get the picture. No emotion is wasted. Every feeling has something to offer you. When you tap into your feelings, and allow them to direct you, you’ll find that you have your very own internal GPS. No matter what you discover as you move through this process, remember, you’ve got this.

Your emotions are messengers, not malfunctions.

If this is the first time anyone’s told you your emotions are worth listening to instead of shutting down, the Midlife Reset Kit is a good next step. ↓