Know Your Worth: Why Wanting More Isn’t Selfish

Is it selfish to want more for yourself? That’s the question I’ve been asked most in my twenty-five years working with women. I want to tell you plainly, no. It isn’t selfish to want more for yourself. In fact, it’s the opposite. Wanting more for yourself has to do with your sense of personal deservingness, and that’s about what you believe you’re worth.

Self-worth isn’t something we think about every day, but it’s important to gauge, because you won’t allow yourself to create results in your life you don’t believe you deserve. Self-worth isn’t something you talk yourself into or wake up feeling one day. It’s actually something you develop by practicing these three specific behaviors, and every one of them is something you can start today.

Self-care in perimenopause is a survival strategy

You must prioritize your self-care. In perimenopause and menopause, self-care is not only the scientific basis of performance, it is table stakes for survival. You can’t use the excuse that self-care is selfish, or that you don’t have time for it anymore. At midlife you will reach a point where your body will demand you prioritize your physical, mental and emotional wellness, or you will burn out or break down. Taking care of yourself is a demonstration of how much you value yourself, not a demonstration of selfishness, so please put that notion away. Women who feel worthy don’t apologize for taking care of themselves.

Self-care isn’t optional anymore. Your body will eventually demand it, not request it.

The second behavior is keeping the commitments you make to yourself

It turns out you can’t talk your way into believing in yourself, but you can behave your way there. What we know about self-efficacy is that when you make and keep commitments to yourself, your belief in yourself increases. And the more you make and keep those commitments, the higher your level of self-belief and deeper your feelings of self-worth grow. Think of it like building muscle tone. Consistently keeping commitments to yourself is like lifting “I’m worthy” weights. The more you do it, the stronger you get.

The third behavior is trading people-pleasing for honesty

Finally, you increase your feelings of self-worth by making decisions based on what you authentically want, not on what you think will earn you approval. It’s very normal to people-please, we’re trained to do it. But when you reach perimenopause, a beautiful byproduct is that you get a natural inclination to stop pretending and placating, stop acting like you’re okay with things you’re not okay with, and stop saying yes when you mean no. Every time you make a choice based on what is true for you versus what is expected of you, your self-worth grows.

The more you behave like you’re worth something, the more you’ll believe it.

This is exactly the kind of behavior we practice together inside NextAct. It’s a private community where real transformation happens, because you’re doing the work alongside other women, not alone with a workbook. I’m right there every step of the way. NextAct isn’t open all the time. I open the doors periodically and close them again to keep our community intimate and intentional. Request your invitation now, and you’ll be the first to know the next time doors open. Until then, remember, you’ve got this!