How to Find Yourself When You Feel Lost

There is a particular experience many midlife women describe as feeling lost. Not depressed. Not broken. Just disconnected from who they actually are, underneath all the roles they play.

This is recoverable. Here is where to start.

1. Stop Pretending

Kim has a set of five questions she calls the pretending questions. What are you pretending to like? Who are you pretending to like? What are you pretending not to know? Where are you pretending everything is fine? What are you pretending about yourself?

Answering these honestly is the beginning of finding your way back. Because you cannot know who you actually are underneath a performance that has been running on autopilot for years.

You can know a thing without doing anything about it.

2. Develop an Anchor Ritual

An anchor ritual is a daily practice that reconnects you with yourself. It does not have to be elaborate. Kim’s is a theme song, three to four minutes every morning.

The ritual matters less than its consistency and its intention. It is the daily act of showing up for yourself before you show up for anyone else.

Find yours. Protect it. Do it every day, especially when you do not feel like it.

3. Rediscover Your Interests

The things that used to light you up before you got very good at being everything to everyone, those interests are not gone. They went quiet because you stopped feeding them.

What did you used to love to do? What have you always been curious about? What do you do when no one is watching?

Those answers are maps back to yourself. Follow them. Even in small ways. The self you have been missing is not far.

I want you to know, like, and trust yourself.